Points to Ponder

1. Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the self-help section was and she said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

7. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren’t going as ghosts but as mattresses?

8. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

9. If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?

10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

I wish...

A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender asks for their order.The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?""I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich.The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pays with the exact change for payment.The next day, the man and the ostrich come again, and the man says "I'll have a beer,"The ostrich says "I'll have the same."Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.This became a routine until late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the bartender."Well, it's close to last orders, so I'll have a large Scotch" says the man."Same for me" says the ostrich."That will be $7.20" says the bartender.Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?""Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found this old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever needed to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money will be there.""That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!""That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk, or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man."That's fantastic!" says the bartender. "You are a genius! Oh, one other thing sir, what's with the ostrich?"The man replies, "Oh, my second wish was for a chick with long legs."

Would you do this?

These allegedly true story provides an amusing example of lateral thinking and initiative, and staff training (or lack of) at the workplace.While transporting some unfortunate mental patients from one secure place to another, the newly appointed bus driver stopped at a roadside restaurant for natural break. On his return to the bus, all twenty patients were gone. Being a resourceful fellow and fearing the consequences of his negligence, he drove to the next bus stop, where he claimed to be a replacement for the usual service.Allowing twenty people aboard, the driver made straight for his destination, where he warned staff at the gates that the 'patients' were deluded and extremely volatile. The angry 'patients' were duly removed, sedated and incarcerated, and remained in detention for three days, until staff were able to check the records and confirm their true identities. The actual patients were never found.

And the Oscar goes to....

The annual Oscar just finished its ceremony a few hours ago. And here is the lists of winner in their respective catergories...

• Best supporting actress award goes to Penelope Cruz for Best Actress in a Supporting Role for her work in "Vicky Cristina Barcelona."

• Best original screenplay goes to Dustin Lance Black for "Milk."

• Best adapted screenplay goes to Simon Beaudoy, "Slumdog Millionaire."

• Best animated feature goes to "WALL-E"

• Best animated short goes to "La Maison en Petits Cubes."

• Best art direction goes to "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button."

• Best costume design goes to Michael O'Connor for "The Duchess."

• Best makeup goes to Greg Cannom for "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button."

• Best cinematography goes to Anthony Dod Mantle for "Slumdog Milliionaire."

• Best live action short goes to "Spielzeugland (Toyland)."

• Best supporting actor goes to goes to Heath Ledger for "Dark Knight."

• Best documentary goes to "Man on Wire."

• Best documentary short goes to "Smile Pinki."

• Outstanding visual effects goes to "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button."

• Outstanding sound editing goes to "The Dark Knight."

• Outstanding sound mixing goes to "Slumdog Millionaire."

• Outstanding film editing goes to "Slumdog Millionaire."

• Outstanding original score goes to "Slumdog Millionaire."

• Best original song goes to "Slumdog Millionaire" for "O Saya."

• Best foreign language film goes to "Departures" (Japan).

• Best director goes to Danny Boyle for "Slumdog Millionaire."

• Best actress goes to Kate Winslet for "The Reader."

TIll Death Do us Part....

Little Johnny was attending his first wedding.
After the service, his cousin asked him, "Howmany women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," Little Johnny responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?"
"Easy," Little Johnny said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"

Setting the Proper Motivation

A pioneering thinker in the field of workplace motivation, David McClelland developed his theories chiefly while at Harvard in the 1950-60's with experiments such as this: Volunteers were asked to throw rings over pegs rather like the fairground game; no distance was stipulated, and most people seemed to throw from arbitrary, random distances, sometimes close, sometimes farther away.
However a small group of volunteers, whom McClelland suggested were strongly achievement-motivated, took some care to measure and test distances that would produce an ideal challenge - not too easy, and not impossible.
Interestingly a parallel exists in biology, known as the 'overload principle', which is commonly applied to fitness and exercising, ie., in order to develop fitness and/or strength the exercise must be sufficiently demanding to increase existing levels, but not so demanding as to cause damage or strain.
McClelland identified the same need for a 'balanced challenge' in the approach of achievement-motivated people. People with a strong achievement-motivation need set themselves challenging and realistic goals - they need the challenge, but they also need to be sure they'll accomplish the aim.

How to Pick Men up

1. Pick a good spot. The good old bar scene isn't for everybody! Be creative, and be shameless. Who says you can't meet the love of your life at a dog park, or a toy store? What about a museum, or an art gallery? Then there are spots that are notoriously saturated with testosterone: the gym, a political rally, a sports bar, or a grad school coffee shop (especially if the grad school is heavier on male enrollment, with programs in engineering, computer science, and business).

2. Flirt from a distance. Make eye contact, smile, and look approachable. If you get good at this, there's a pretty good chance the guy will approach you before you even make it to the next step!

3. Start a conversation. You may skip it if you are terrified by the thought of starting a conversation with a stranger (a good-looking guy, no less). But if you skip this step, you are depriving yourself of a valuable screening tool. What if this guy is a total weirdo? Or just too dull, too quiet, too loud, too macho, too meek, or just not your type? Besides, you're going to have to talk to him at some point, anyway. It's better to find out now that he has horrific breath, or that he can't stop talking about his mother or ex-girlfriend, rather than make the discovery on your first date, when your escape route will be a little narrower. If he looks at you like you've got ten heads, just smile gracefully and say something like, "Anyway, I've gotta run. Take it easy!"

4. Close the deal. Right before you leave, give him your contact info, and walk away. The "hit and run" approach is highly recommended. It doesn't give him a chance to reject you on the spot, which makes things easier on you, obviously. It also gives him time to digest what just happened, which may not happen to him often. If you skipped the conversation step, or even if you didn't, you may want to give him only a personal e-mail address rather than a phone number, in case he turns out to be the creepy stalker type.

* If he's been checking you out the whole time, be bold. Go up to him and ask, "So when are you gonna take me out?" or, "Here's my number, in case you want to take me out sometime."

* Send him a note through the waiter. Ask the waiter to deliver it right after you leave. The note can say something like, "Why don't we hang out soon?" or, "How about coffee sometime?" or even a compliment, such as, "I like your hair."

* Tell the guy he's the spitting image of your cousin, or a college friend, or whatever. Ask if you can take a picture with him, because you've got to show your mom/friend/sister this "long lost twin". After taking a picture with him (during which you should get close!), ask him if he has a MySpace or Facebook profile, so that you can link with him. Once you have his profile, you have a connection!

Tip

* Don't take it personally if he doesn't get in touch. Let's be realistic here. He might be in a relationship, or enamored with another girl. Or he might not like getting picked up because it makes him feel insecure—and who wants a guy like that, anyway? Maybe he's shy, and if he's so painfully shy that he can't contact you after you've pretty much laid it out for him, is that really something you want to set yourself up for? Even if he's simply not attracted to you, who cares? You're a lean, mean, guy-picking-up machine; there are other fish in the sea, so go get 'em. * Actively, but discreetly, watch and listen to the guy that's caught your eye. Paying attention to what you see and hear may give you an opportunity to talk about something of mutual interest. If you overhear something that you think is a conversation opener, seize the opportunity.