Sexual Acts You Thought Were not Possible! Part 1

Was looking through urban dictionary a few days ago and was shock to read about things that were really freaky... hahahaha... Enjoy guys!!!

Rainbow Kissing-
a woman performs fellatio on a man and keeps his 'juices' in her mouth, then the man performs cunnilingus on the woman, whilst she is menstruating, and also keeps her 'juices' in his mouth, they then kiss passionately making one big assed sloppery rank-as-fuck mess.

Munging-
1) Go to a graveyard with four of your buddies

2) Dig up Fresh corpse (female) and have a gang bang.

3) Afterwards, one of them puts there mouth over the vagina.

4) Someone jumps on the stomach, shooting all the cum and maggots and such into the person's mouth. They swallow it.

Cleveland Steamer -

The cleveland steamer is far more specific than the listings I have seen here. A sexual act by nature (fetish) the cleveland steamer is when one person craps on another person's chest and (very important) then sits down and rocks back and forth like a steam roller.

Rusty Trombone-
The act of performing anal cunnilingus while reaching up above the testicles to manually administer quick up and down motions to the penile shaft; resulting in a violent yet pleasant explosion. It is then customary for the female to then give a quick blow into the anus for good luck, the lips blowing into the anus sounds very similar to a trombones sweet melody. This was introduced to the Americas in the late 50's.

Donkey Punch -
Whilst participating in either vaginal or anal ‘doggy style’ intercourse, during the instant before the male ejaculates, the penis is inserted (or kept) in the female's anus, at which point he delivers a swift punch to the back of the female’s cranium. This results in the simultaneous contraction of the anal sphincter and various other muscles in the female, thus producing a tremendous sensation for the male. However, for the technique to render successful, the receiving party must be knocked utterly unconscious.

Angry Dragon-
Most of the other definitions are close but not quite right. the real definition is a chick is giving you head and when she goes to swallow your load you judo chop her in the throat making her choke on the cum and it shoots out her nose, also making her angry. the hit in the head definitions are confused with donkey punch and the punch in the stomach is from louisville slugger. the one where you shove your cock down her throat as you nut is the snowy or snow dragon which also shoots the nut out her nose. both really work if done right.

These are the few of the new words I've learned.... hahaha

Why not try on your partner and see the amazing results....

Andrew

Shit List....

The Shit List:

The Ghost Shit
The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl.

The Clean Shit
The kind where you feel shit come out, see shit in the bowl, but there's no shit on the toilet paper.

The Wet Shit
You wipe your ass fifty times and it still feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks.

The Second Wave Shit
This shit happens when you've finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you have to shit some more.

The Brain Hemorrahage Through Your Nose Shit
Also known as "Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit". You have to strain so much to get it out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke.

The Corn Shit
No explanation necessary.

The Lincoln Log Shit
The kind of shit that's so enormous you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little pieces with the toilet brush.

The Nororius Drinker Shit
The kind of shit you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you flush.

The "Gee, I Really Wish I Could Shit" Shit
The kind where you want to shit, but even after straining your guts out, all you can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting.

The Wet Cheeks Shit
Also known as the "Power Dump". That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with the toilet water.

The Liquid Shit
That's the kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute.

The Mexican Food Shit
A class all on its own.

The Crowd Pleaser
This shit is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.

The Mood Enhancer
This shit occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.

The Ritual
This shit occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.

The Guinness Book Of Records Shit
A shit so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.

The Aftershock Shit
This shit has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next seven hours is affected.

The "Honeymoon's Over" Shit
This is any shit created in the presence of another person.

The Groaner
A shit so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.

The Floater
Characterized by its floatability, this shit has been known to resurface after many flushings.

The Ranger
A shit which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.

The Phantom Shit
This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there.

The Peek-A-Boo Shit
Now you see it, now you don't. This shit is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.

The Bombshell
A shit that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to shit (i.e. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you are nowhere near shitting facilities.

The Snake Charmer
A long skinny shit which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless.

The Olympic Shit
This shit occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's Shit.

The Back-To-Nature Shit
This shit may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.

The Pebbles-From-Heaven Shit
An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually can't shit.

Premeditated Shit
Laxative induced. Doesn't count.

Shitzopherenia
Fear of shitting - can be fatal!

Energizer Vs. Duracell Shit
Also known as a "Still Going" shit.

The Power Dump Shit
The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when you're done.

The Liquid Plumber Shit
This kind of shit is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log Shit.)

The Spinal Tap Shit
The kind of shit that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.

The "I Think I'm Giving Birth Through My Asshole" Shit
Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Shits. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.

The Porridge Shit
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: a) flush and keep going, or b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless.

The "I'm Going To Chew My Food Better" Shit
When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.

The "I Think I'm Turning Into A Bunny" Shit
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.

The "What The Hell Died In Here?" Shit
Also sometimes referred to as "The Toxic Dump". Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air.

The "I Just Know There's A Turd Still Dangling There" Shit
Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place.
"AW SHIT"

Achmed the Dead Terrorist

A Woman's Dream

A woman is sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, middle-aged man enters.
He is so striking that the woman can not take her eyes off him.
The man notices her overly attentive stares and walks directly toward her.
Before she can offer her apologies for rudely staring, he leans over and whispers, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do for $20... But, on one condition."
Flabbergasted, the woman asks what the condition is.
The man replies, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The woman considers his proposition for a moment and then removes a $20 bill from her purse, which she presses into the man's hand along with her address.
She then looks deeply into his eyes, and slowly, and meaningfully says,
"Clean my house."

The Five Stages of Drinking...

LEVEL 1: It's 11:00 on a weeknight, you've had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have work the next day and one of your friends buys another round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends. Here at level one you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly, why as long as I get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I'm cool."

LEVEL 2: It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing against artificial turf. You get up to leave again, but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you're thinking, "Hey! I'm out with my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours sleep (snaps fingers) I'm cool."

LEVEL 3: One in the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing FOR artificial turf. And now you're thinking, "Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!" At level three, you love the world. On the way to the bathroom you buy a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you like his face. You get drinking fantasies. (like,"Hey fellas, if we bought our own bar, we could live together forever. We could do it. Tommy, you could cook.") But at level three, that devil is a little bit bigger....and he's buying. And you're thinking "Oh, come on, come on now. As long as I get three hours sleep...and a complete change of blood (snaps fingers), I'm cool."

LEVEL 4: Two in the morning. And the devil is bartending. For last call, you ordered a bottle of rum and a Coke. You ARE artificial turf! This time on your way to the bathroom, you punch the stranger at the end of the bar. Just because you don't like his face! And now you're thinking, "Our busboy is the best looking man I've ever seen." You and your friends decide to leave, right after you get thrown out, and one of you knows an ...after hours bar. And here, at level four, you actually think to yourself, "Well....as long as I'm only going to get a few hours sleep anyway, I may as well.... STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!!! Yeah! That'd be good for me. I don't mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith Richards. Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work for me. And besides, as long as I get 31 hours sleep tomorrow...................cool.

LEVEL 5: Five in the morning. after unsuccessfully trying to get your money back at the tattoo parlor ("But I don't even know anybody named Ruby!!!"), you and your friends wind up across the state line in a bar with guys who have been in prison as recently as...that morning. It's the kind of place where even the devil is going, "Uh, I gotta turn in. I gotta be in Hell- at nine. I've got that brunch with Hitler, I can't miss that." At this point, you're all drinking some kind of thick blue liquor, like something from a Klingon wedding. A waitress with fresh stitches comes over, and you think to yourself, "Someday I'm gonna marry that girl!!" One of your friends stands up and screams, "WE'RE DRIVIN' TO FLORIDA!!!!!"- and passes out. You crawl outside for air , and then you hit the worst part of level five- the sun. You weren't expecting that were you? You never do. You walk out of a bar in daylight, and you see people on their way to work, or jogging. And they look at you-and they know. And they say..."Who's Ruby?" Let's be honest, if you're 19 and you stay up all night, it's like a victory like you've beat the night, but if you're over 30, then that sun is like God's flashlight. We all say the same prayer then, "I swear, I will never do this again (how long?) as long as I live!" And some of us have that little addition, "and this time, I mean it!"

Plants that we need in our Life

PLANT THREE ROWS OF PEAS:
1. Peace of mind
2. Peace of heart
3. Peace of soul

PLANT FOUR ROWS OF SQUASH:
1. Squash gossip
2. Squash indifference
3. Squash grumbling
4. Squash selfishness

PLANT FOUR ROWS OF LETTUCE:
1. Lettuce be faithful
2. Lettuce be kind
3. Lettuce be patient
4. Lettuce really love one another

NO GARDEN WITHOUT TURNIPS:
1. Turnip for meetings
2. Turnip for service
3. Turnip to help one another

TO CONCLUDE OUR GARDEN WE MUST HAVE THYME:

1. Thyme for each other
2. Thyme for family
3. Thyme for friends Water freely with patience and cultivate with love