Legal Semantics...

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is sure that he has a better education.
He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy's expense...deputy says, "License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What for?"
Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign ..."
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket."
Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir." At this point, the deputy takes off his gloves and starts slapping the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"

Everything I Need To Know I Learned From Noah’s Ark

1. Don't miss the boat.

2. Remember that we are all in the same boat.

3. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.

4. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.

5. Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.

6. Build your future on high ground.

7. For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

8. Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.

9. When you're stressed, float a while.

10. Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

11. No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting.

Quotes that would make you think?!

We are not retreating — we are advancing in another direction.— General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964)
As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.- John Fitzgerald Kennedy
Valor is stability, not of legs and arms, but of courage and the soul.- Michel de Montaigne
In war, there are no unwounded soldiers. - José Narosky
This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave. - Elmer Davis
Freedom is never free. - Anonymous
I think there is one higher office than president and I would call that patriot. - Gary Hart
I dream of giving birth to a child who will ask, "Mother, what was war?" - Eve Merriam
Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few.- Winston Churchill
Courage is fear holding on a minute longer.- General George S. Patton, U.S. Army
I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.- Albert Einstein
We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.- Will Rogers
We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude.- Cynthia Ozick Quotes
But the freedom that they fought for, and the country grand they wrought for, Is their monument to-day, and for aye.- Thomas Dunn English
How important it is for us to recognize and celebrate our heroes and she-roes!- Maya Angelou

Heckuva Engineer...

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer.
I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

The Things that They Carried

In honor of Veteran’s Day...an excerpt from book of the same title:
By Tim O'Brien

They carried P-38 can openers and heat tabs, watches and dog tags, insect repellent, gum, cigarettes, Zippo lighters, salt tablets, compress bandages, ponchos, Kool-Aid, two or three canteens of water, iodine tablets, sterno, LRRP- rations, and C-rations stuffed in socks.

They carried standard fatigues, jungle boots, bush hats, flak jackets and steel pots.

They carried the M-16 assault rifle.

They carried trip flares and Claymore mines, M-60 machine-guns, the M-70 grenade launcher, M-14's, CAR-15's, Stoners, Swedish K's, 66mmLaws, shotguns, .45 caliber pistols, silencers, the sound of bullets, rockets, and choppers, and sometimes the sound of silence.

They carried C-4plastic explosives, an assortment of hand grenades, PRC-25 radios, knives and machetes. Some carried napalm, CBU's and large bombs; some risked their lives to rescue others. Some escaped the fear, but dealt with the death and damage. Some made very hard decisions, and some just tried to survive.

They carried malaria, dysentery, ringworm's and leaches. They carried the land itself as it hardened on their boots. They carried stationery, pencils, and pictures of their loved ones - real and imagined. They carried love for people in the real world and love for one another. And sometimes they disguised that love:"Don't mean nothin'!" They carried memories for the most part, they carried themselves with poise and a kind of dignity.

Now and then, there were times when panic set in, and people squealed or wanted to, but couldn't; when they twitched and made moaning sounds and covered their heads and said "Dear God" and hugged the earth and fired their weapons blindly and cringed and begged for the noise to stop and went wild and made stupid promises to themselves and God and their parents, hoping not to die. They carried the traditions of the United States military, and memories and images of those who served before them.

They carried grief, terror, longing and their reputations. They carried the soldier's greatest fear: the embarrassment of dishonor. They crawled into tunnels, walked point, and advanced under fire, so as not to die of embarrassment. They were afraid of dying, but too afraid to show it. They carried the emotional baggage of men and women who might die at any moment. They carried the weight of the world.

THEY CARRIED EACH OTHER

I act 25 years old, how old do you act?

Put an X in all that apply and then add up to see how old you act!
[x] You know how to make a pot of coffee
[X] You keep track of dates using a calendar
[x ] You own a credit card
[ ] You know how to change the oil in a car
[x] You've done your own laundry
[x ] You can vote in an election
[x] You can cook for yourself
[ ] You think politics are exciting
TOTAL SO FAR: 6
[x] You show up for school late a lot
[] You always carry a pen in your bag/purse/pocket
[x] You've never gotten a detention
[ ] You have forgotten your own birthday at least once
[x] You like to take walks by yourself
[x] You drink caffeine at least once a week
TOTAL SO FAR:10
[x] You know how to do the dishes
[x] You can count to 10 in another language
[x] When you say you're going to do something you do it
[x ] You can mow the lawn
[x] You study when you have to
[x] You have hand washed a car before
TOTAL SO FAR: 16
[x] You can spell experience, without looking it up
[ ] The people at Starbucks know you by name
[ ] Your favorite kind of food is shawarma
[] The first thing you do when you wake up is get caffeine
[x ] You can go to the store without getting something you don't need
[ ] You understand political jokes the first time they are said
[x] You can type pretty quick
TOTAL SO FAR: 19
[x ] Your only friends are from your place of employment
[ ] You have been to a Tupperware party
[ x] You have realized that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job
[x ] You have more bills than you can pay
[x] You use the internet every day
[ x] You have been outside of the country 2 or more times
[x] You make your own bed
TOTAL: 25
NOW REPOST AS: I act __ years old, how old do you act?

Great Election Quotes

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
- Bill Vaughan

Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
- George Jean Nathan

I will feel equality has arrived when we can elect to office women who are as incompetent as some of the men who are already there.
- Maureen Reagan

Democracy is the only system that persists in asking the powers that be whether they are the powers that ought to be.
- Sydney J. Harris

There are always too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen, and never enough U.S. congressmen.
- Anonymous

We always want the best man to win an election. Unfortunately, he never runs.
- Will Rogers

The next time they give you all that civic bull about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election.
- George Carlin

Always vote for the principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost.
- John Quincy Adams

I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.
- W.C. Fields

Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil.
- Jerry Garcia

In order to become the master, the politician poses as the servant.
- Charles de Gaulle

A politician thinks of the next election. A statesman, of the next generation.
- James Freeman Clarke

An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger.
- Confucius

Vote for the man who promises least. He'll be the least disappointing.
- Bernard Baruch