Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.- Erma Bombeck
If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice. - Meister Eckhart
Thanksgiving Day is a jewel, to set in the hearts of honest men; but be careful that you do not take the day, and leave out the gratitude. - E.P. Powell
Who does not thank for little will not thank for much.- Estonian Proverb
Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action.- W.J. Cameron
If you can't feed a hundred people, then just feed one.- Mother Teresa
There is one day that is ours. Thanksgiving Day is the one day that is purely American.- O. Henry
Gratitude is not a spiritual or moral dessert which we may take or push away according to the whims of the moment, and in either case without material consequences. Gratitude is the very bread and meat of spiritual and moral health, individually and collectively. What was the seed of disintegration that corrupted the heart of the ancient world beyond the point of divine remedy...? What was it but ingratitude?"- Noel Smith
We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.- Frederick Keonig
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.- George Bernard Shaw
As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. - John Fitzgerald Kennedy
Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow. - Edward Sandford Martin
I love Thanksgiving turkey... it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.- Arnold Schwarzenegger
Thanksgiving, man! Not a good day to be my pants.- Kevin James
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person who is nice to you but rude to a waiter is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
"Barack Obama says he’ll be living in the White House with his family, his two daughters and his wife, and his mother-in-law. Yeah, he may want to rethink closing Guantanamo, you know what I mean?"
-David Letterman
"I guess after the election last week, Barack Obama took his wife on a date to their favorite Italian restaurant in Chicago. Hear about that? Took his wife out on a date. Yeah. And today Bill Clinton, Edwards and Eliot Spitzer called him a new kind of Democrat."
-Jay Leno
"Anybody see Sarah Palin on the 'Today' show a couple of days ago, cooking? And people say, 'Well, can she cook?' Of course she can cook. After all, she cooked McCain’s goose."
-David Letterman
"Now that Barack Obama has been elected president, producers in Hollywood say they think America is now ready for a black James Bond and a black Wonder Woman. Isn't that cool? Yeah, hell, America may even be ready for a black Michael Jackson."
-Conan O'Brien
"President Bush briefed Barack Obama on the state of the nation this week. I don't know that things look bad, but after the briefing, Obama called McCain and said, 'You still want the job?'"
-Jay Leno
"The Secret Service recently gave Barack Obama's wife and daughters code names. These are the code names: Renaissance, Rosebud and Radiance. Apparently, the agent who created the names has a secret dream to get into the perfume business."
-Conan O'Brien
"And Barack Obama is being very deferential to President Bush. Obama said last week, 'The United States can only have one president.' To which Bush said, 'Hey, that's not what Cheney told me."
-Jay Leno
"Some political analysts are saying the 1980s sitcom The Cosby Show helped Obama get elected because it portrayed a black family in a positive light. They also say Obama would have been elected 10 years ago if it weren't for Flavor Flav."
-Conan O'Brien
"Obama said his favorite part of the tour was when the president showed him the secret dial under his desk that he uses to control the price of gasoline."
-Jimmy Kimmel
"President Bush is mad at Barack Obama, because Obama leaked details of the private meeting they had yesterday in the Oval Office. Yeah, Bush says, 'What happens in the couch fort stays in the couch fort.'"
-Conan O'Brien
"There was a little confusion at the meeting there at the White House when President Bush was told that Obama was coming. He said oh, you mean we caught him?"
-David Letterman
"Well, according to a new post-election survey, people want Sarah Palin to run for president in 2012. That's what it says. It says she's been getting thousands of calls from people pleading with her to run, all Democrats."
-Jay Leno
"Of course, lots of sour news about the economy. The federal government has announced that due to the bad economy, it is going to have to lay off 40,000 postal workers. Yeah, 40,000 disgruntled postal workers. What could possibly go wrong?"
-Conan O'Brien
Jogging is very beneficial. It's good for your legs and your feet. It's also very good for the ground. It makes it feel needed.
- Charles Schulz
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
- Erma Bombeck
I always loved running... it was something you could do by yourself, and under your own power. You could go in any direction, fast or slow as you wanted, fighting the wind if you felt like it, seeking out new sights just on the strength of your feet and the courage of your lungs.
- Jesse Owens
You don't run against a bloody stop watch, do you hear? A runner runs against himself, against the best that's in him. Not against a dead thing of wheels and pulleys. That's the way to be great, running against yourself. Against all the rotten mess in the world
At the two-thirds mark [of a marathon], I think of those who are still with me. Who might make a break? Should I? Then I give it all I've got.
- Ibrahim Hussein
Running is like mouthwash; if you can feel the burn, it's working.
- Brian Tackett
When people ask me why I run, I tell them, there's not really a reason, it's just the adrenalin when you start, and the feeling when you cross that finish line, and know that you are a winner no matter what place you got.
- Courtney Parsons
Most people run a race to see who is fastest. I run a race to see who has the most guts.
- Steve Prefontaine
You have to forget your last marathon before you try another. Your mind can't know what's coming.
- Frank Shorter
Learn to run when feeling the pain: then push harder.
- William Sigei
I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street.
- Neil Armstrong
I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.
- Rita Rudner
To a runner, a side stich is like a car alarm. It signifies something is wrong, but you ignore it until it goes away.
- Anonymous
It's unnatural for people to run around the city streets unless they are thieves or victims. It makes people nervous to see someone running. I know that when I see someone running on my street, my instincts tell me to let the dog go after him.
- Mike Royko
We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then, we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire. The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when?
Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. One of my favorite quotes comes from Alfred D Souza. He said, "For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - REAL LIFE. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then, life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."
This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.
So, treasure every moment that you have. And treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with... and remember that time waits for no one.
Stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until fall, until winter, until you are off welfare, until the first or fifteenth, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink, until you've sobered up, until you die -- to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy.
Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
1. Don't miss the boat.
2. Remember that we are all in the same boat.
3. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
4. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
5. Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
6. Build your future on high ground.
7. For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
8. Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
9. When you're stressed, float a while.
10. Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
11. No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting.
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
A lady walked into a pharmacy and told the pharmacist that she needed some cyanide.
The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband.
The pharmacists eyes got big and he said, "Lord, have mercy -- I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law!
I'll lose my license, they'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not, you can NOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacists wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
Management Lesson:
1) Not everyone who drops crap on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of crap is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep crap, keep your mouth shut!
Was looking through urban dictionary a few days ago and was shock to read about things that were really freaky... hahahaha... Enjoy guys!!!
Rainbow Kissing-
a woman performs fellatio on a man and keeps his 'juices' in her mouth, then the man performs cunnilingus on the woman, whilst she is menstruating, and also keeps her 'juices' in his mouth, they then kiss passionately making one big assed sloppery rank-as-fuck mess.
Munging-
1) Go to a graveyard with four of your buddies
2) Dig up Fresh corpse (female) and have a gang bang.
3) Afterwards, one of them puts there mouth over the vagina.
4) Someone jumps on the stomach, shooting all the cum and maggots and such into the person's mouth. They swallow it.
Cleveland Steamer -
The cleveland steamer is far more specific than the listings I have seen here. A sexual act by nature (fetish) the cleveland steamer is when one person craps on another person's chest and (very important) then sits down and rocks back and forth like a steam roller.
Rusty Trombone-
The act of performing anal cunnilingus while reaching up above the testicles to manually administer quick up and down motions to the penile shaft; resulting in a violent yet pleasant explosion. It is then customary for the female to then give a quick blow into the anus for good luck, the lips blowing into the anus sounds very similar to a trombones sweet melody. This was introduced to the Americas in the late 50's.
Donkey Punch -
Whilst participating in either vaginal or anal ‘doggy style’ intercourse, during the instant before the male ejaculates, the penis is inserted (or kept) in the female's anus, at which point he delivers a swift punch to the back of the female’s cranium. This results in the simultaneous contraction of the anal sphincter and various other muscles in the female, thus producing a tremendous sensation for the male. However, for the technique to render successful, the receiving party must be knocked utterly unconscious.
Angry Dragon-
Most of the other definitions are close but not quite right. the real definition is a chick is giving you head and when she goes to swallow your load you judo chop her in the throat making her choke on the cum and it shoots out her nose, also making her angry. the hit in the head definitions are confused with donkey punch and the punch in the stomach is from louisville slugger. the one where you shove your cock down her throat as you nut is the snowy or snow dragon which also shoots the nut out her nose. both really work if done right.
These are the few of the new words I've learned.... hahaha
Why not try on your partner and see the amazing results....
Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.
Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
Elvis Year: The peak year of something's or someone's popularity. "Barney the Dinosaur's Elvis year was 1993."
Idea Hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators running.
Mouse Potato: The online, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
Ohnosecond: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a big mistake.
SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.
Starter Marriage: A short-lived first marriage that ends in a divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.
Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
Tourists: People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists."
Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
Alpha Geek: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. "Ask Tom, he's the alpha geek around here."
Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
Beepilepsy: The brief seizure people sometimes have when their beeper goes off (especially in vibrator mode). Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions and interruption of speech in mid-sentence.
Depotphobia: Fear associated with entering a Home Depot because of how much money one might spend. Electronics geeks experience Shackophobia.
Flight Risk: Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon. Irritainment: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.
Percussive Maintenance: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, sh-ts over everything and then leaves.
Uninstalled: Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an uninstalled vice president. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance." See also Decruitment.
1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused
Slow down for three minutes to read this. It is so worth it. Touching words from the mouth of babes.
What does Love mean? A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think...
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.
"Rebecca- age 8"
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth
"Billy - age 4"
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
"Karl - age 5"
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your. French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
"Chrissy - age 6"
"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.
"Terri - age 4"
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.
"Danny - age 7"
"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.
"Emily - age 8"
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.
"Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)"
"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.
"Nikka- age 6" (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet.)
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.
"Noelle - age 7"
"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.
"Tommy - age 6"
"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore
Cindy - age 8"
"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
"Clare - age 6"
"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
"Elaine-age 5"
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford
"Chris - age 7"
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
"Mary Ann - age 4"
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
"Lauren - age 4"
"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image)
"Karen - age 7"
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross
"Mark - age 6"
"You really shouldn't say 'I love you unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
"Jessica - age 8"
And the final one Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor,the little boy said "Nothing, I just helped him cry."
