The Best of Late Night...

"Barack Obama says he’ll be living in the White House with his family, his two daughters and his wife, and his mother-in-law. Yeah, he may want to rethink closing Guantanamo, you know what I mean?"

-David Letterman

"I guess after the election last week, Barack Obama took his wife on a date to their favorite Italian restaurant in Chicago. Hear about that? Took his wife out on a date. Yeah. And today Bill Clinton, Edwards and Eliot Spitzer called him a new kind of Democrat."

-Jay Leno

"Anybody see Sarah Palin on the 'Today' show a couple of days ago, cooking? And people say, 'Well, can she cook?' Of course she can cook. After all, she cooked McCain’s goose."

-David Letterman

"Now that Barack Obama has been elected president, producers in Hollywood say they think America is now ready for a black James Bond and a black Wonder Woman. Isn't that cool? Yeah, hell, America may even be ready for a black Michael Jackson."

-Conan O'Brien

"President Bush briefed Barack Obama on the state of the nation this week. I don't know that things look bad, but after the briefing, Obama called McCain and said, 'You still want the job?'"

-Jay Leno

"The Secret Service recently gave Barack Obama's wife and daughters code names. These are the code names: Renaissance, Rosebud and Radiance. Apparently, the agent who created the names has a secret dream to get into the perfume business."

-Conan O'Brien

"And Barack Obama is being very deferential to President Bush. Obama said last week, 'The United States can only have one president.' To which Bush said, 'Hey, that's not what Cheney told me."

-Jay Leno

"Some political analysts are saying the 1980s sitcom The Cosby Show helped Obama get elected because it portrayed a black family in a positive light. They also say Obama would have been elected 10 years ago if it weren't for Flavor Flav."

-Conan O'Brien

"Obama said his favorite part of the tour was when the president showed him the secret dial under his desk that he uses to control the price of gasoline."

-Jimmy Kimmel

"President Bush is mad at Barack Obama, because Obama leaked details of the private meeting they had yesterday in the Oval Office. Yeah, Bush says, 'What happens in the couch fort stays in the couch fort.'"

-Conan O'Brien

"There was a little confusion at the meeting there at the White House when President Bush was told that Obama was coming. He said oh, you mean we caught him?"

-David Letterman

"Well, according to a new post-election survey, people want Sarah Palin to run for president in 2012. That's what it says. It says she's been getting thousands of calls from people pleading with her to run, all Democrats."

-Jay Leno

"Of course, lots of sour news about the economy. The federal government has announced that due to the bad economy, it is going to have to lay off 40,000 postal workers. Yeah, 40,000 disgruntled postal workers. What could possibly go wrong?"

-Conan O'Brien